Colombo's Motor Show Goes Putt Putt Putt Putt

For the past week Colombo has been under a bit of a media blitz perpertrated by the guys sponsoring the Motor Show at the BMICH that happened over the last weekend. Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately for many people who are at the end of my bitching stick) I don't own a camera and therefore could not record the most disgusting things that man has put on wheels to date. These so called 'showable' machines do not hold a candle to the Skodas built during the cold war. But wait, like Julie Andrews lets start at the very begining. It was on a lovely Sunday afternoonon the 23rd of July 2006 when I decided to call "the Shams" and formulate an early evening plan to go to the motorshow. As we planned I headed over to his place to have a coffee and a 'smoke' and while doing this got engrossed in an intresting show on Discovery about days the shook the world, while we were mezmerized by khomeni's beard "the digs" called and inquired about our evening plan and soon getting ready to join. Once we tore ourselves away from Khomeni's we went over to "the digs" picked him up and headed over to the "MOTORSHOW" eagerly antcipating hot cars, hots girls and maybe a Ferrari or Maserati. We got to the BMICH and found that the show was being held behind the main building which meant a walk in the hot sun to the end of the yellow brick road. Grumble grumble grumble. While walking a 'home boy g killer' was riding around the car park helmetless on a clapped out ragged looking CBR Hurricane trying hard to attract the attention of smelly females who have been shun by deoderant itself, of course the three of us hoped eagerly that the "home boy g killer" would accidently jamm the front brakes, land face first on the back of a car thus learning the importance of a helmet sadly though the most that happened was he ran out of petrol. Finally just around the time that Dorothy met the Tin man we got to the event gates and right in the middle was a 10 foot ramp with a short wheel base Defender parked on the steep incline, the way it was parked, impressive, the vehicle? Shit, obviously somebody's unwarranted pride and joy. Moving inside towards the left hand pavillion (centre one full of cheap Chinese trucks, how exciting I may have even wet myself) we were greeted by the sounds of a hundred cheesy songs being played at the same time, to my horror we discovered it was the PETCO stall..... unbelivable...... there were hideously painted, modified japanese cars and MPV's with every single speaker known to mankind crammed into the back. Now I'm no pro when it comes to sound, but I have been a Club Dj, been in radio and worked in many production studios a collector of music and has a fair idea of good sound should sound like but these guys are clueless, not one single sound system sounded good, true some setups looked awesome with their three screen dvd players and surround sound but it all sounded shit and besideds you have to be really really lame to sit and watch a movie in your car. Inside the complex it was pretty much the same scenario and we three wanderers suddenly realize that we have been duped by the sponsors, "This is not a motorshow, it's a motor accesssories show" I cried feeling cheated and dyslexic. True to the horror it was a show displaying accessories and hideously modified cars, purly disgusting and dis-tasteful. in Japan men would be forced to perform Seppuku if they dared own vehicals modified or sound lke this. What happened to the glory days of the Colombo motor show? Where as you walked into the BMICH your were greeted by classic Jaguars and Ford Mustangs followed by hot evo's and mercs flanked by the latest BMW or Chrysler. After all alot of these up market luxuary vehicals are owned by politicos, OG's and rich tycoons (&sons) and since we paid for them at least let us see them. It was a sad display of ego's and bad taste and I quickly rushed home and washed down the bad taste with a Vodka and Cantaloop juice.

Take a juicy Cantaloop, cut it into quaters, scoop out the seeds, scoop flesh into plastic jug or blender, add 4tbs sugar, 2tbs lime juice, 200 ml cold water and blend. Pour into glass and add healthy amount of Smirnoff or Absolut.