NOW OPEN

The Simple Works is now open at www.nigelsportfolio.blogspot.com.
It was opened today so content is very minimal for now.

Kimi Should Move... to Bajaj

Hellloooooo...... forget what's going on in Sri Lanka, ever since it's independent existence it's been doomed. But what the hell is going down at the Ferrari Camp in Formula 1??!!! Seriously, Ferrari has been struggling ever since that start of the season and how dissapointing it has been. Alot of people especially Kimi fans were expecting alot from Kimi this year being on the scarlet side and having what was dubbed to be the faster paced cars but boy were they and Ferrai betting on the wrong horse. Massa on the other hand has proved to be the better of the two and is certainly pulling his weight on the track, Kimi, on the other should be relegated to the post of three wheel driver.

On the the flip side it was under dog day afternoon for Sato who did fans and Alonso haters (who put together would cover europe) proud by out pacing Alonso on a straight and overtook him stealing 7th position from the Spanish muppet. Would somebody give Sato a better car please and give Alonso a wet wipe.

Kubica decided the track was too small for him to share with 12 other drivers so he took to the air and tried to make sonic boom he got as far as a sonic mess, thankfully he was able to be carried away with a broken leg from a really broken BMW Sauber. BMW's comment: Not pleased.

So another race looms on the weekend and another chance for Kimi to prove himself a wanker yet again.

Nige out.

ROCK SATURDAY vs. ROCK SATURDAY

Hello, the inevitable has happened. 8 years ago a group of DJ's called Zone productions put together an event which some many thousands have affectionately come to know as Rock Saturday. It ran for a steady 2 years every month which ended on it's 2nd anniversary bringing a thousand strong crowd to their knees sobbing in depression. 4 years ago a group known as the Rock Company STOLE!!!!! the name Rock Saturday and in a lame attempt tried very hard to bring back the glory days of rockers head banging their heads of in front of the speakers, they got as far as the Girls Guides Association Hall. And so 2007 has arrived and the calls for proper rock entertainment have been heard. It's the return of the classic and original Rock Saturday. Of course such things don't come without conflict. Enter the sour grapes. These are the people who have tried hard to fill the Girls Guide Association halls with people using the sounds of talented muscians trying hard to emulate heavy metal, death metal, trash metal and possibly scrap metal failing miserably. These sour grapes have been sending out emails dissing the classic Rock Saturday in a vain attempt to make the borru Rock Saturday cool and legit. Boo Hoo. So I who is an ardent fan of rock and it's saturday's have decided to respond in detail. Here we go.....

email: "I'm only disappointed that Battery moved there (somehow live bands don't interest them as much as DJ consoles). It's all influence like Shanjei says. all these guys are close knit and possibly joined at the brain."

Some people like to sponsor popular events. No one wants to flog a dead horse so stop dreaming and get the Girl Guides to sell some cookies.

email: "And unlike the old days, (genuine) rock fans have evolved into more complex creatures. These old dudes better be up to date with their metal or risk facing a few airborne beer bottles."

People want proper rock not metal, otherwise there would be people at your scrap yard show.

email: "I can assure you they'll play the same 'ol classic rock to suit the old and alternative rock to suit the women, children and Anil."

Well, even they have taste, apparently.

email: "Any rocker worth his salt knows where the panic at the disco is and will avoid it like the plague."

Panic at the Disco is when your local rockers play at a NIGHTCLUB and no one knows how to get out.

email: "They may have better DJs but they'll never have a better rock n roll BAND. We, on the other hand, not only have the bands (with some hot new talent, too. and their fans) but also the option of our having own DJ. And unlike them, we don't have any 'heaviness' restrictions so we can cater to anyone in any genre, from cheese to whatever (our combined CD collections could outdo the Rock n Roll Hall of Fame!). In other words, their product (with its limited features) will eventually lose its novelty and die off. again. Remember, our strength is that we're offering people something different,
and that shouldn't ever change."

Talk about being an egotestical. Who cares about how many CD's you can put together, it's about playing the right song at the right time something our so called "hot new talent" have alot to learn about. Besides transvestites offer something different too but you don't see people clamouring at their doors.

email: "Now is the perfect time to bring in the all important 'wow' factor to our events (venue appearance, deco, art works, trailers, etc.)"

Get band members to cut their hair that might wow a few people.

email: "People went to these 'original' Rock Saturdays because they wanted to be seen at a nice place. It's like taking your picture in front of the Taj Mahal; to show and tell. I don't remember seeing any of those so called 'rock fans' at any of our Rock Saturday gigs (just a handful)."

Hullooooo, thats because most of the so called hot talent that we have today were still pooping in their diapers wondering which bottle of milk to drink from. Rock Saturday is where it happened for rockers to rock to good music. And as a rock fan I have been to the newer Rock Saturday gigs, I was so disgusted and bored it was like a Bryan Adams concert crossed with
SAW III

email: "I'm quite thrilled to bits; we're actually witnessing the birth of an industry."

Excuse me under rock dweller, the birth of the industry happened a long time ago where do you think the Rock Company stole the name from, the future????

email: "Now all we have to do is work harder and stay on top.
Cheers!
\m/"

How cute a little devil sign in sms language. quaint.

Everyone has the right to an opinion but don't go dissing the things that started things and the things that some of us enjoy. You have your Rock Saturday we have ours.

Marlon and Wendall see you on the 24th viva la Rock Saturday.

Part 2.1.23.455442112233 The Return Of Nigel, Restepca.

Anna Nicole Smith - Born: God only Knows Dead: Today, 2007
Boyfreind - Born: Last Year
Photo: Blatently stolen from BBC


Greetings and Salutations to my friends, visitors, those who have hoped I was dead and martians hiding from NASA's rovers.

Ages it has been and the world changed it has. Still no light sabres and Kimi Raikinnon races for ferarri, is there no justice? No.
But really how is all and sundry? Missed me? Liars you really did miss me. Well I'm here to make what could possibly be an empty promise (or threat) (good practise for upcoming elections) and assure you that I have not abandoned the world of opinionated cyber space and in fact staging some sort Batman type entrance comeback so watch this space (Closer you have only two eyes ruin them. Brought to by SeeAlot Opticians). But I think one bit of news should be addressed and that is the shocking revaltion of the death of Anna Nicole Smith who was discovered dead at 39. It was a classic American Fairy Tale the abridged version would be "Dance, shake tits, marry really old really rich guy, scare him into a heartattack with a Karma Sutra lap dance and then become famouse through legal battles. So how did she die no ones to sure yet but here are some of my theories.

Theory 1: She was sitting on the floor and was trying to get to a line of coke in the center of the coffee table when she tragically smothered herself with her Double Destroyers. (DD)

Theory 2: She fell down the stairs boobs first and her head exploded.

Theroy 3: J Howard Marshall II returned from the grave and scared her half to death she fainted fell over backwards and slapped herself in the face with her DD's to seal her fate.

True it's not nice to mack the dead, (sorry mock) but then again this is Anna she macked (shit, mocked) herself all her life it's only fitting we continue in her memory. (this woman had a penis in Naked Gun 33 1/3, i rest my case)

Anna may you Rest In A Very High Coffin

So Avid fans and haters keep checking for more and more and more. Till them please feel free to review my earlier works.
(which may be turned into plays you just never know.)

Advertorial Listen to Haze and Me (Nigel) every friday from 8.30 pm to 1 am on 101.7 TNL - Where It's At.